


Lust

by kellsbells



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kalex Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-03 15:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12751143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: She shouldn’t be trembling underneath Kara’s gaze, here in the room they shared as teenagers. She shouldn’t want this. She broke up with Maggie two days ago. This was supposed to be about going home, about comfort for each of them, about the people that they’d lost. Why, then, were they staring at each other, caught on the edge of this moment that should never have come to be?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Kalex week. I am fairly sure I'm not on posting this on the right day, but hopefully you'll enjoy this anyway. Not a happy ending, just as a warning, but no character death.

* * *

“You’re the only reason I ever felt at home on this planet.”

 

It shouldn’t have made Alex shiver when she thought about Kara saying that. It shouldn’t have made her knees weak when she thought about Kara catching a bullet that same day in her bare hands, a bullet meant for Alex’s own heart.

 

She shouldn’t be trembling underneath Kara’s gaze, here in the room they shared as teenagers. She shouldn’t want this. She broke up with Maggie two days ago. This was supposed to be about going home, about comfort for each of them, about the people that they’d lost. Why, then, were they staring at each other, caught on the edge of this moment that should never have come to be?

 

“I love you, Alex,” Kara said, her eyes dark and a little predatory. She was drunk; she’d bought a bottle of the alien alcohol that Mon-El had introduced her to. But she wasn’t giggling now, or slurring her words. She was clear-minded. But it’s was what she was clear about that was scaring Alex. They had been sitting on the porch swing, Kara drinking from the bottle of Aldebaran rum, and Alex from the bottle of scotch she’d sneaked out of Eliza’s drinks cabinet, dusty from neglect. Eliza wasn’t much of a drinker. The house was dark, Eliza out teaching a class and then having a late dinner with some of the other teachers. She was teaching advanced bio-engineering, not your average teaching gig, but she seemed to love it.

 

“Do you ever think that the person you’ve been looking for has been there the whole time, right beside you, but you never noticed?” Kara asked, from nowhere.

 

Alex looked at her sourly.

 

“Really? You’re going to tell me you’re madly in love with some guy now? Like, you couldn’t wait a week and not rub my face in it?”

 

It was mean, okay. Alex acknowledged that. But Kara had been such a bitch since Mon-El disappeared into the blackness of space, and now she was supposed to be comforting Alex and instead she was….

 

She was kissing Alex. Like how mommies and daddies kiss, was the absurd thought that went through Alex’s mind. Then Kara’s tongue was in her mouth and she stopped thinking with her brain. Her body did her thinking for her, pulling Kara into her lap, and while the angle was a little severe, they made it work. Kara was panting, and Alex knew that if she moved a hand between her legs that she’d be…

 

“What are we doing?” Alex said, moving back abruptly and wiping her mouth. “What is in that alcohol, Kara?”

 

Kara stared at her, looking betrayed.

 

“There’s nothing in there but alien alcohol, Alex.”

 

“Then why did you do that?” Alex asked, almost hysterical. Kara was still in her lap, straddling her, and it was all she could do not to push Kara – push her _sister_ – onto the floor of the porch.

 

“Why do you think I did it?” Kara implored. “I did it because I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since I first saw you watching me from the window when Kal dropped me off. I didn’t know what the feeling was, then, but I do now. I think I’ve known for a while, and then you were with Maggie and Mon-El was there and it was just… easier to ignore it. Eliza said we were sisters, and you have such a taboo against sisters being together, here. Which I don’t get because literally all of your wild species do it. As long as you don’t breed the same gene lines together, it’s not even an issue.”

 

Alex was struck by Kara’s alien-ness in that moment. Incest was a taboo for most humans, and Kara just breezed past it.

 

“Kara, we… we are sisters. We can’t be… like that with each other.”

 

“I’m tired of doing what I should do, of not doing things because people will think they’re strange. I’m not a human, Alex. And I love you more than anyone on this planet or any other. I am tired of trying to find love with others when I already have it with you.”

 

Alex took a deep breath, her heart thumping.

 

“Kara, I get that you’re frustrated, but I think that when you sober up, you’ll be embarrassed by this. And that’s the last thing I want.”

 

“I want you,” Kara insisted, stubbornly. “And I can tell that you want me, too.”

 

“No, you can’t,” Alex said, shaking her head. “You can’t possibly know that.”

 

“Need I point out how much more powerful my senses are?” Kara asked, looking at Alex with eyes that seemed to pierce right through her. “Do I need to tell you that I can hear your heart thumping, that I can feel your pulse, that I know that your blood pressure increased the moment I touched you? Do you want me to tell you what I can smell, Alex?”

 

“No,” Alex said, shaking her head, turning away. “No, Kara,” she said brokenly. “We can’t do this. We can’t talk about this.”

 

“Alex. I want you. I want you for life, and I want children with you. I want to look at babies that you and I made, and I want to bring them up knowing their Kryptonian and Earth heritage. I want to fight by your side, and take you as my bondmate, and when I die I want to meet you in Rao’s light. This kind of love – it doesn’t come along often. Don’t… don’t turn this away.”

 

Kara stood, abruptly. “I’m going to swim for a little while. I’ll be back soon. If your answer is no, just send me a text and I’ll sleep on the couch. If I don’t get a message, I’m coming to bed.”

 

Alex trembled at the sound of Kara’s voice when she said, ‘coming to bed’. It sounded like it dropped an octave, turning gravelly and sweet all at once. Alex wrapped her arms around her torso, staring as Kara disappeared down onto the beach at super-speed.

 

“Fuck,” she muttered, passing a hand over her face wearily. Just how drunk was Kara, exactly? Where had this even come from? She grabbed the bottle of alien alcohol, sniffing at it experimentally. Her eyes began to water immediately. It just smelled like jet fuel, the way it normally smelled. Surely this couldn’t be for real?

 

She would be lying if she said she’d never wanted this. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t hopelessly, helplessly in love with Kara. But this… she’d never expected Kara to reciprocate. Never. Kara was so unremittingly heterosexual and boy-crazy, and Alex… well, she’d been so deep in the closet that she couldn’t even admit that she liked women, never mind admitting that she’d been in love with Kara since she landed on their doorstep here in Midvale.

 

“Fuck,” she said, again, rubbing her face with both hands. She lifted the bottle of scotch to her mouth, taking a long drink. It made her stomach burn, and she wondered idly if she was on the way to an ulcer.

 

She sat there, listening to the waves, wondering when Kara was going to come back. She told herself that she was going to send a message any minute now. Then she walked slowly upstairs, bottle of scotch in one hand, and when she reached their bedroom, she stripped her clothes off, throwing them on the floor. Then she lay down on her bed and waited.

 

It wasn’t long before Kara was standing there, hair loose about her shoulders, still a little wet from the sea. She was dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that were sticking to her body.

 

“Rao, Alex,” she said, eyes wide and dark. “I don’t know where to touch first.” She leaned forward, cupping Alex’s cheek, and gave her a deep, wet kiss.

 

Then she was naked, and she was putting her super-speed to work, and Alex felt like Kara was touching her everywhere at once. Kara’s mouth was on hers, gentle but insistent, and one hand was in Alex’s hair.

 

“I love you,” Alex said, desperately, arching her back.

 

“I love you, zhao,” Kara said. She bit Alex’s neck and Alex’s mind went slack. They came together ferociously, Alex thanking J’onn and the DEO silently for ensuring that she was in such good physical shape, because Kara was strong and fast and Alex could barely keep up with her. It was weird, because she hadn’t slept with anyone but Maggie for a year, and Maggie was her first ever girlfriend. But it was also weird because it wasn’t weird at all. It was right, like they were meant for each other, like they fit together, and Alex couldn’t deny that, not then and not later. Kara touched her with assurance, like she knew every part of Alex’s soul. Because she did. And it was the same for Alex. Touching Kara was an extension of the love they already shared, a love that was deeper than any love Alex had ever shared with anyone else. They made love for hours, biting and pulling at each other, groaning and crying out each other’s names. It was almost violent, but only in the same way that their love was. Violently passionate. By the time Alex fell asleep, her body was covered in marks from Kara’s mouth and hands.

 

“I love you Alex,” Kara murmured as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist. “This is real. Don’t run away.”

 

Alex fell asleep shortly afterwards, but when she woke in the morning, Kara was gone.

 

There was a note on the other pillow.

 

_“I’m sorry. The bartender spiked my drink with RedK. I don’t know why. I am so sorry for what I did to you. I’m going to the Fortress for a while to meditate and try to get past this. Please don’t hate me, Alex.”_

 

Alex’s tears soaked the pillow. When Eliza found her later that day, she saw the letter on the nightstand, and her lips pursed. She saw the marks on Alex’s body, and her eyes filled with tears.

 

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you into the shower,” she said, helping Alex out of bed and wrapping her in a bathrobe. “It’ll be better in time,” Eliza promised.

 

Alex knew better. It was too late. There was nothing she could do, now. She’d lost Maggie and she’d lost Kara, and while she knew that if Kara really had been under the influence of Red Kryptonite, she was only doing things that she wanted to do, somewhere deep inside, she also knew that Kara would never forgive Alex for letting her do those things to her. She’d never forgive Alex, just like Alex would never forgive herself.

 

It was no wonder that lust was one of the seven deadly sins, Alex thought, as she washed away the smell of Kara on her skin, because it had just killed everything good in her life.

 

When she tested the alien alcohol the following day, there was no trace of red kryptonite.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conclusion I never intended to write

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I intended to leave this as a one-shot, but it seems from the comments that I committed one of the seven deadly sins in doing that, so here's a conclusion to my little angst-fest. Thank you for all the lovely comments, and I'm sorry I can't reply - computer buggered.

* * *

* * *

It had been six weeks without a word from Kara. J’onn was running himself ragged, taking on Kara’s Supergirl duties on top of his own work as Director. And Alex? Alex was _pissed_.

 

“Mom, how the hell am I supposed to persuade her to come back? She left me, the morning after… after sleeping with me, and told me she was affected by Red Kryptonite. I knew she wasn’t, and the tests proved it. Do you really think she’s going to respond to me asking her to come back, now?”

 

Eliza’s face softened.

 

“I think that Kara is confused, sweetie. These feelings that you have – they’ve been there for years, but so have hers, and clearly she wasn’t exactly emotionally ready to face them. The alcohol was the catalyst. I think that if you just talk to her… I think she’ll have to admit how she feels.”

 

“And if she doesn’t?” Alex asked. There were tears in her eyes, and she tried to blink them away impatiently. She’d shed far too many tears over Kara since they went to Midvale. She was beginning to think that Kara didn’t deserve her tears.

 

“If she doesn’t, then she’s not worthy of you, Alex.”

 

Eliza stood, holding out her arms, and Alex allowed herself to be wrapped up in her mother’s arms. If nothing else, Kara had brought Alex and her mother closer.

 

Alex thought about it for another couple of days before she asked J’onn to take her to the Fortress. She wanted to be sure she was making the right decision in asking Kara to come back to National City. It didn’t matter if they were together or just sisters, she told herself. It didn’t matter as long as Kara came home.

 

J’onn let her in to the Fortress with the huge key and told her to call him mentally when she was ready to return. She nodded. There was no cell service up here, that was for sure.

 

Alex stepped inside carefully, shivering. She was wearing her thickest coat, but winter in National City had nothing on winter here. Not only could she see her breath, but any hint of moisture on her face froze instantly.

 

She walked past the huge statues of Kal’s parents. It was a strange place, this Fortress. A frozen memorial to a dead world.

 

Kara was kneeling in a small crystal-encrusted ante-room deep inside the Fortress. She was praying in _Kryptonhuiao_ , the cadence of her voice quite different in her own language. Alex stood still, noting that Kara was filthy, her hair matted and her cloak stained. She was kneeling with her back to Alex. Alex knew she could hear her, however, so she waited for Kara to acknowledge her.

 

“I told you that I needed time, Alex.”

 

Her voice sounded dead.

 

“It’s been six weeks, Kara,” Alex said, her voice as calm as she could make it.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kara said, dully. “It’s never going to be long enough.”

 

Alex shook her head.

 

“Kara, whatever happened between us, you can’t let it ruin everything. National City needs you to be Supergirl. And Lena has stopped asking when you’re coming back to work.”

 

“I’m not coming back,” Kara said, still not turning her head.

 

“Why, Kara?”  


“You really need to ask me that? You were there, Alex. You saw what I did. Rao, I did it to you! How can you even be here?”

 

“I’m here because I love you, Kara,” Alex said. Kara trembled. “I’m here because I want you to come home. Because that’s where you’re needed.”

 

“No-one needs me,” Kara said. “National City is better off without me. You’re better off without me.”

 

“I think that should be my choice, Kara,” Alex said. “I get to decide who I want to be part of my world.”

 

“And I get to decide what I do with my life. I’m not coming back, Alex. Just go.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Kara. You are the most important person in my life. No matter what happened between us.”

 

“Stop. Stop talking about it. I can never forgive myself for what I did, Alex. I knew that one day I would do something when I was on RedK, something that couldn’t be forgiven, and now I have.”

 

Alex sighed. Should she address the lie directly? Or would that just make things worse?

 

“Kara, we can get through this. If you don’t want to talk about what happened, then we don’t need to talk about it. You’re my family, my heart. I can’t live without you.”

 

“You can and you will. I’m not coming back, Alex. I’m sorry for what I did to you, and this is my penance. I’m not coming back. Just… just go.”

 

Kara still didn’t turn, and Alex knew that touching her would do no good. She turned on her heel, leaving the Fortress behind her, calling out mentally for J’onn. He landed a few seconds later, lifting her into his arms, and she wept into his strong shoulder, tears freezing solid on her face.

 

***

 

“Lie, Alex. She lied, you lie.”

 

“What do you mean, Mom?” Alex asked, pacing up and down in her living room. It was a few days after her failed attempt to bring Kara home. With her mom’s help, she had avoided going on a bender after Kara’s unexpected disappearance. She had faced what happened, even spoke to a therapist once a week, trying to cope with things healthily for once. She was in love with Kara, and she could now admit that out loud to her mother, which meant she could admit it to anyone.

 

“She loves you, Alex. No matter what else, she loves you, or else none of this would have happened in the first place. I still blame myself for making you call each other sisters for all this time. I never would have done that if she was a boy, not at the ages you both were at, and I guess… heteronormativity, right?” Eliza threw her hands up in frustration. Alex laughed. Her mother had surprised her intensely since that night with Kara. Apparently, she had joined Midvale’s chapter of PFLAG and was now the proud mother of a lesbian daughter, and she threw around words like ‘heteronormativity’ and ‘cisgender,’ all the time, much to Alex’s delight.

 

“So, how does the fact that she loves me help us?” Alex asked. “And what kind of lie is going to get her to come back?”

 

“I have an idea,” Eliza said. She patted the seat next to her, and Alex went to sit down as her mother outlined her clever (if slightly dastardly) plan.

 

The next day, Alex asked J’onn if he could take her to the Fortress again. She attached a small device of her own design to her abdomen, making sure that it would run for the next few hours.

 

“Ready,” she said, and J’onn nodded. He transformed into his green martian form, suddenly several feet taller, and took off into the air. After a little while, Alex dozed off in his arms, waking when he landed outside the Fortress.

 

“Bring her home this time, Alex,” J’onn said gravely, squeezing her shoulder gently.

 

“I’ll try my best,” Alex said, adjusting her clothes carefully. “If this doesn’t work, nothing will.”

 

She stepped inside the Fortress as if she was facing a firing squad. If Kara said no after this, she might as well shoot Alex in the heart, so perhaps it wasn’t the worst analogy.

 

Kara was still in the same place, still praying. Alex stood there, waiting, and Kara turned, her eyes wide.

 

“Yeah. I thought that might get your attention,” Alex said, one hand on her abdomen. “Do you think you might have something to say to me now?”

 

“How…?” Kara asked, mouth hanging open. Her face was dirty and tear-stained, her hair lank and greasy.

 

“You tell me, Miss Alien genes,” Alex said, face blank.

 

Kara swallowed visibly.

 

“I… what are you…” she took a deep breath to calm herself. “Are you keeping it?”

 

“I haven’t decided,” Alex said. “It seems that I have some decisions to make.”

 

Kara took a step forward, one hand moving up, reaching towards Alex. She pulled it back, blinking. Alex remained still with some difficulty.

 

“What kinds of decisions?” Kara asked. Her body was trembling, but whether it was with nerves or with eagerness, Alex wasn’t sure.

 

“Well, something happened a few days ago. It was after I had the test, and I found out about…” Alex trailed off, running her fingers through her hair. “I ran into Maggie at Noonan’s. She… I was so shocked about everything, I told her the whole story and… she wants to raise the baby with me. She asked me to marry her.”

 

“Oh,” Kara said, stepping back, her eyes widening. Her fists clenched and she turned, holding herself up with difficulty on a protruding piece of rock. “And is that something you want?”

 

“You know what I want, Kara, but apparently you would rather hide in the Fortress for the rest of your life than admit that you have feelings for me.”

 

“That’s not… I mean, I… of course I love you, Alex, but… you know we can’t be together. What would Eliza say?”

 

“Eliza is fine with it, Kara. What she’s not fine with is you leaving me alone the morning after, telling me that you were on RedK when we both know that you weren’t. The part she’s not fine with is the part where you broke my heart and left me alone to deal with the aftermath.”

 

“Eliza’s okay with it? How did that happen?” Kara asked, her mouth hanging open. Suddenly, she looked like Alex’s Kara again.

 

“Eliza suspected that we had feelings for each other,” Alex said. “She even said that if you’d been a boy, she never would have called us siblings. She said the word heteronormativity, Kara. She’s been going to PFLAG meetings!”

 

Kara laughed, snorting loudly, then stopped abruptly, hand over her mouth. She looked shocked.

 

“It’s all right to laugh, Kara. We’re still us. If you really don’t want to be with me, we can handle that. But you running away, leaving everything and everyone behind? That’s not okay. You’re my person, Kara, whether you want to be platonic or romantic,” Alex said. She stepped closer to Kara, holding a hand out. Kara took her hand, looking up at Alex through lowered eyelashes.

 

“You really want this?” she asked. The vulnerability in her voice was painful to hear.

 

“I want you, Kara Zor-El. Even though you ran away from me, even though you steal all of the potstickers, even though you run towards trouble when all I want is for you to stay safe. I love you, and I want you, and I can’t stand the idea of you not being part of my life.”

 

Kara started to sob, and Alex pulled her close, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.

 

“Don’t you dare leave me all alone ever again, Kara Zor-El,” she murmured, kissing Kara’s hair. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

 

Kara was weeping openly, saying that she would never leave again, that she loved Alex, that she was sorry.

 

“I have a confession to make,” Alex said. “Before you say anything else.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said. She didn’t let go, however, holding Alex even closer.

 

“I’m not pregnant, Kara.”

 

Kara pulled back, looking at Alex in confusion.

 

“But I can hear…”

 

Alex pulled up her top, showing Kara the small speaker she’d made at the DEO especially for this purpose.

 

“Oh,” Kara said. “And Maggie, offering to take you back?”

 

“Also a big fat lie,” Alex said. “Although, if I did want her back, I know she would probably agree, as long as I didn’t want kids.”

 

Expressions flitted across Kara’s face, from confusion to anger, and Alex waved a finger in her face.

 

“Before you go getting annoyed at me, Supergirl, I suggest you get your Red Kryptonite infection looked at,” Alex said pointedly. Kara hung her head a little, her face reddening. “And I should point out that all of this was Mom’s idea and not mine. She’s surprisingly devious, for someone who looks so innocent.”

 

Kara frowned for a moment, and then shook her head.

 

“You’re not pregnant.”

 

“No,” Alex said. “But, I’ve been doing some research with some of the data crystals from the Fortress, and I think that I could be, if you wanted that. A baby that’s yours and mine. Would you want that?”

 

Kara stared at her, eyes wide.

 

“Rao, yes,” she said. “Yes, I would want that.”

 

“Good. But first, I think we should do some more of the thing that makes ladies pregnant. Well, not the exact thing…”

 

Alex was cut off by Kara’s lips on hers, and she sighed in relief at the taste of Kara’s mouth, surprisingly clean despite her lack of cleanliness. She breathed in, then, and moved away.

 

“I… I hate to say this, Kar, but we’re not going to be getting down to business until you have a shower. Maybe two. You smell like two months without a wash.”

 

Kara blushed prettily, and disappeared in a flash. She reappeared a second later, completely clean, and lifted Alex into her arms, and then they were both naked under Kal’s shower. Kara was a blur, kneeling in front of Alex, pulling Alex’s legs over her shoulders, her hands sliding around to cup Alex’s ass, and Alex threw her head back, biting into her forearm to stop herself from screaming.

 

It was a very sheepish Supergirl who arrived at the DEO later that day with Alex in her arms, apologising to J’onn and Winn for disappearing. She promised she’d be back at work the next day, and then left, grinning slightly foolishly as Alex kissed her on the cheek.

 

Eliza was waiting for them at Alex’s apartment, and she had a few choice words for her foster daughter, but she left them alone when it was clear that Alex and Kara were on needles and pins waiting for her to leave.

 

“So, Supergirl. You’re not going to run off on me again, and pretend that Pink Kryptonite turned you gay, are you?” Alex asked. Her voice trembled minutely as she asked the question.

 

“Wait, is that a thing?” Kara asked.

 

“Ask James the next time you see him. I didn’t even know he _could_ blush,” Alex said.

 

“No way,” Kara said, settling back in her chair, a dazed look in her eye. “Kryptonite really is the weirdest substance.”

 

“You’re telling me,” Alex said. “So, can I trust you not to run away on me again?”

 

“Of course,” Kara said. “I’m sorry I was such a coward. It was just… when I woke up that morning, you were naked, and so beautiful, and I could hear Eliza moving around downstairs, and I just… I panicked. I thought if she knew what we’d done, she’d hate me. And I couldn’t bear that. And you… I love you so much, Alex. I couldn’t bear the idea that you might reject me when you woke. So I ran.”

 

“Were you ever going to come back, if I hadn’t come to get you?” Alex asked, eyes intent on Kara’s.

 

“No,” Kara said, shamefaced. “I would have hidden up there until the sun turned red. Rao, I’m such a coward.”

 

“Yeah. And you smelled _awful,_ ” Alex said.

 

“Yeah,” Kara agreed. “Thank you, for saving me from myself.”

 

“You’re welcome, Kar,” Alex said. She pulled Kara close, kissing her head. “I’ll always come for you. Always.”

 

Lying might not have been one of the deadliest sins, but in this particular situation, it had saved Kara from herself, and saved Alex from losing the one she loved. She would never be more grateful for her mother’s cunning than she was right then, because Kara turned her head and started to kiss Alex, slowly at first and then passionately. Alex thanked Rao for the woman in front of her, and let herself be carried away on the tide of lust, and of love.


End file.
